It can be so easy to look at that teacher at the front of the room and perceive that they’ve got it all going on.
Believe me, I know. I did it too many times to my teachers when I was newer to yoga.
And I felt disappointed when I found out that my teachers were, well….PEOPLE. Not perfect, sometimes aloof, and still trying to figure all of this humanness out.
You see, I wanted to believe that they were perfect because then that would mean all my struggling and striving just MIGHT lead me to getting what I thought they had.
But the more I started to show up on my mat, and for myself, I discovered that approach wasn’t going to get me anywhere. The effort was futile.
Like trying to claw your way out of quicksand.
To show up authentically, it meant bringing my mess onto the mat, owning all of it, and then offering it to the practice.
From student to teacher & back, this process remains the same.
Teaching yoga for over 5 years now, students have been with me through all my various teaching influences, music obsessions, personal life tragedies, celebrating in community, falling out of practice, and then running to my mat as if my life depended on that rectangle of rubber.
I’ve shown up through more things than I was ever prepared to. I can’t say I always did it with grace. There were definitely days that I auto-piloted the shit out of my classes.
I’m really sorry if you endured some of those. Thank you for continuing to come back.
What I do know is that most of the time I was truly trying to be as open and authentic as I possibly could. To be okay with talking about pain and fear if that’s what was real to me in the moment.
Doing this has been instrumental in keeping me accountable to my practice, to establishing truths for myself, and then questioning everything to the point of starting from scratch all over again.